Coffee Shop of Nightmares
by AutisticMurasakibara
Summary: Tatsuya just wanted to help pay rent for his apartment, he didn't want the attention of eleven very...unique men. No, in fact if he could, he'd get rid of the attention entirely. [Coffee Shop AU, Himuro/GOM Kuroko Uncrowned Kings, read Chapter 1's author's note for more information.]]
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there, this is an AU that started as a god damned parody and is now "How can I realistically have these diverse characters have an interest in only one person" so. It's not nearly good enough for my AO3 so you guys get it instead. Lmao enjoy.**

Himuro Tatsuya had gotten a job at the coffee shop near his apartment to help pay rent. He hadn't gotten the job in hopes of finding romance at all, but that seemed to be what he was getting.

He didn't realize it when he first got the job, really, it had been a brief interview with one of the managers before a call telling him he had the job. He didn't even realize it on his first day, no, actually his first day was pretty normal.

He'd walked in, bright eyed and ready to actually start making money again, only to hit right into a green haired man. Shit, this was going to be a bad way to start of working, wasn't it?

"Sorry about that." He said, standing from where he'd ended up falling and offering a hand to the other man. "I should've been paying closer attention."

"Just be more careful next time." The man replied, standing up and dusting himself off, barely offering a glance in Tatsuya's direction.

"Will do." He replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find the manager on duty…Midorima Shintarou or something like that."

"That would be me." He replied and Tatsuya had to say he was dressed like one would expect a manager to be dressed.

"Well I'm Himuro Tatsuya, a new worker. I was told to come in around this time…?" Tatsuya said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Ah, yes. Momoi told me about you, follow me and I'll show you what you need to do." Midorima turned on his heel, giving Tatsuya no choice but to follow behind.

The shop wasn't too big, but it was still larger than most coffee shops he'd been to, he had to admit. It was almost too big for his liking, but hey, a jobs a job.

There were also a lot more in the name of customers sitting around and almost a lack of people at the counter. In fact, all he saw was some lazy looking purple haired man and chatty blond. Was that really enough at once?

"Kise, Murasakibara. Come over here." Midorima said, gaining the attention of the two easily enough. "This is your new coworker, Himuro Tatsuya. Teach him what he needs to know so I won't have to fire him."

"Welcome aboard." The blond said with a smile. "I'm Kise Ryouta. Don't pay attention to Midorimacchi, besides Kurokocchi he's the softest one here, he won't fire you."

"Good to know…" Tatsuya mumbled, giving a forced smile. Still didn't want to risk getting fired.

"Ah man~ He's quiet." The purple haired man, Murasakibara was what he was called, said with a yawn. "At least he won't be annoying like Kise-chin, then."

Tatsuya turned his forced smile to Murasakibara. "Well, I'm glad to hear that at least I won't be as annoying…"

"Eh? You didn't need to reply to that." Murasakibara replied, frowning at him. "Maybe I was wrong."

"Oh! Uh, sorry-"

"Just get to showing him the ropes. Akashi's visiting in a few days and we don't need to all look like fools because we don't train the new employee." Midorima said with a roll of his eyes.

"No need to be so mean Midorimacchi!" Kise called as Midorima turned on his heel and began to walk away.

"Eh~ Why not, though Kise-chin? You're mean to people you don't like all the time." Murasakibara asked, tilting his head. "Besides, who cares what Mido-chin's doing right now? We have to make sure this guy doesn't suck before Aka-chin visits."

Mido-chin? Aka-chin? Tatsuya could understand nicknaming coworkers, but his higher-ups? Never in a million years.

"Alright, fine." Kise sighed, turning to look at Tatsuya. "Come on back then, we better get started."

"Alright, so I'm guessing we'll be starting with the easy?" Tatsuya asked. "Like how to take an order?"

"Have you ever taken orders anywhere else?" Murasakibara asked.

"Well, yes. I worked in fast food for awhile." He replied, rubbing the back of his head.

"Then you'll be fine. Come here to I can teach you how to make drinks." Murasakibara said, holding out a hand and beckoning Tatsuya forward.

The black haired man took a tentative step forward and before he could say anything he was dragged forward by the giant. He was almost afraid to see how the other man was going to teach him.

Luckily for him, Murasakibara's teaching techniques weren't that bad(if a bit childish) and it didn't take him long to learn the basics. In fact, he was well on his way to having it all figured out when Kise and Murasakibara started to argue.

"Kise-chin needs to stop talking to the customers and just take their orders." Murasakibara had said, glaring at the smaller man. "No one cares if you wanna know how their day was."

"This is why you aren't allowed to work the front counter, Muraskibaracchi!" Kise replied with a dramatic sigh. "You'd be way too rude to the customers."

"Better than being annoying." The purple haired man mumbled, reaching into a compartment behind the counter.

"What are you reaching for?" Kise asked. "Don't tell me you brought snacks back here again… Midorimacchi!"

The green haired man appeared as his name was called, a frown plastered on his face. If the look in his eyes meant anything, Tatsuya would guess this wasn't the first time a fight like this had broken out.

"Murasakibara, if you took a Maiu-bou back there… Give it to me." Midorima said, holding out a hand with a frown.

"No. I'm gonna eat it." Murasakibara said, pulling just that out and opening it. "I'm hungry."

"No you aren't. Give it to me, it's time to work, not eat." Midorima replied, shoving his hand forward. "Give it to me."

"Mido-chin can't make me~" He replied, taking a bite out of it.

"Hey…Murasakibara-kun…" Tatsuya walked up to the giant. "If the rules say no eating behind the counter maybe you should listen…?"

"Shut up, I wanna eat now." Murasakibara replied with a pout, sending a glare at the dark haired man.

"How about you just give him that Maiu-bou and I'll...buy you some more when I get off work?" Tatsuya asked. God, he hated fighting, the sooner it ended the better.

The purple haired man's eyes lit up as he shoved the Maiu-bou at Midorima, seemingly pleased with this turn of events.

"I'm gonna make sure Muro-chin does that for sure, okay~?" He said.

"Alright-Wait...Muro-chin?" Tatsuya raised an eyebrow.

"Congrats, Murasakibaracchi likes you! Midorimacchi too most likely, since you actually got Murasakibaracchi to listen." Kise laughed.

**"****I do...appreciate it." Midorima cleared his voice, turning away. "...Thank you. Now, get back to work."**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter, any review I've gotten at this point is appreciated, but since I don't know how to I can't reply to any :,u**

The next day hadn't seemed to odd to Tatsuya, either. It wasn't as busy as the day before and the staff was different, but that was about it. Well, at least the manager on the second day seemed nicer.

In fact, he kind of knew her, she was the one who interviewed him. Momoi Satsuki, a nice woman with long pink hair she had put up in a bun, always ready with a smile.

When he'd gotten there that day she'd approached with a smile. "Himuro-kun! Ki-chan told me about your first day, sounded pretty successful."

"Momoi-san. I guess you could call it successful…" Tatsuya said giving an awkward laugh and rubbing the back of his head.

"You guess? Mukkun only listens to Akashi-kun and on occasion me! Plus actually getting Midorin to say he appreciated something?" Momoi took a breath. "Midorin isn't one to admit things like that too easily. Then again, Mukkun has been being particularly bratty lately…"

"I see." Tatsuya shifted in place. He knew absolutely nothing about how the shop usually ran. To hear what he'd done was apparently rare was a surprise. How did Murasakibara keep a job like that?

"Anyway, let me introduce you to a few more of your coworkers!" She exclaimed with a smile, turning on her heel and leaving Tatsuya to follow behind. "Dai-chan! Tetsu-kun!"

"Satsuki, stop calling me that already. We aren't little kids anymore." The blue haired man said and Tatsuya frowned. Was he Dai-chan or Tetsu-kun and where was the other one?

momoi rolled her eyes. "This is Aomine Daiki, Himuro-kun. He's kind of lazy so you might have to give him a kick or two."

"Satsuki-"

"Before their arguing gets too bad, I'd like to introduce myself." A shorter man said, making Tatsuya jump back. "I'm Kuroko Tetsuya, nice to meet you."

"Oh, uh, nice to meet you, Kuroko-kun." Tatsuya replied with a nervous smile. How had he not noticed the guy?

"Oh good! Well, from what Midorin said, you should have all the basics down so hopefully today will go smoothly." Momoi chirped upon noticing the other man had introduced himself. "If you need help, ask one of these two… I suggest asking Tetsu-kun, though."

"Thanks for the suggestion." Tatsuya said with a nod.

"I'll leave you to it then!" She turned on her heel, skipping off. Definitely seemed friendlier than that Midorima.

"Alright then...I guess we should just get to work then." Tatsuya mumbled, stepping behind the counter and around Aomine.

"And you're just like Tetsu, all work and no play." Aomine said with a roll of his eyes. "Of course you are. Damn, why can't they ever schedule me with Murasakibara or something?"

"If they did that nothing would ever get done, Aomine-kun." Kuroko replied, stepping behind the counter himself. "Himuro-kun, if you could, please man the cash register."

Tatsuya gave a nod, no point in arguing over who did what since he'd learned the way things worked. Two people making drinks for every one taking orders. Apparently he was that one.

He turned to the forming crowd, smiling at the man in front. He seemed nice enough.

"Sorry for the wait sir, could I take your order?" He asked after gaining his attention.

"Ah, yes well just a caramel mocha please!" The man replied with a smile.

"Alright, and your name?"

"Kiyoshi." His smile was still in place. At least he was pleasant, Tatsuya decided. Pleasant customers were kind of a nice surprise.

He turned to look at Kuroko and Aomine, only to almost trip over Aomine's sleeping form. Apparently most of the crowd in the front and Kuroko didn't care past a glance, though.

"What's the order and for who, Himuro-kun?"

"A caramel mocha for a Kiyoshi…"

Tatsuya stood up, brushing himself off before turning back to the front. Aomine sleeping on the job was going to be troublesome, wasn't it?

"Himuro-kun, I suggest you just call the orders to me from where you are for now." Kuroko said as the black haired man made his way back to the counter. "Aomine-kun can be hard to maneuver around."

Tatsuya gave the light blue haired man a nod before turning back to the counter.

"Hello sir, could I take your order?" He asked, his voice almost dying in his throat when he saw the man.

He was big, not tall like Murasakibara was, but...muscular. Almost to a ridiculous point.

"Large cup of black coffee." He replied, rubbing the back of his head. "Try to hurry it up too, I need to get to the gym."

"I can see what I can do, but first I'll need a name." Tatsuya replied with a forced smile.

"The name's Nebuya." He said with a yawn. "Ah man, I ate too much before coming here..."

Tatsuya said nothing in reply, instead turning to Kuroko. "Large black coffee for a Nebuya, Kuroko-kun."

The blue haired man gave him a nod and Tatsuya turned back to the crowd. It was going to be a long day, wasn't it?

As soon as the last customer filed out, Tatsuya turned with a sigh. At least now all there was was clean up and then he'd be homebound-

With a yell, he once again tripped over a now almost-awake Aomine.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Aomine snapped, glaring at the black haired man.

"Not my fault you're lying in the middle of the walkway! How about you actually help instead of sleep next time?"

"Why should I? You and Tetsu had it under control." Aomine replied, moving to sit up. "There's never a reason for me to be up."

"You could help make the drinks or man the counter while I make drinks." Tatsuya snapped, standing up and brushing his pants off.

He needed to stop, he needed to keep a cool head. He couldn't blow up, he didn't have a temper like Taiga.

"Look...I should just go clean up the tables. It'd probably be better if we just didn't talk while working together." He said quietly. "Sorry for blowing up like that?"

"Yelling a little? You call that blowing up?" Aomine snorted. "Looks like you're soft, pretty boy… Figuratively and literally."

**Tatsuya rolled his eyes. Aomine was just trying to get to him, he should just ignore him… Even if it'd make his job that much harder.**


End file.
